1:32 PM

This is how I picture my grandparents when they were young.

Drunk History

It's simple. You get a writer hammered out of their mind and then have them recount some American history. You then reenact the narrative with famous actors. I feel like I would have gotten more out of history class this way.

This is Drunk History:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLAoxCSb1tc

For All They Are Not

"See what they made of this mess of frottage. It is as if a fractious child had been handed a few timber shavings and a bucket of mud to keep him quiet only for him to promptly erect a cathedral, complete with baptistry, steeple, weathercock and all. Within the precincts of this consecrated house they afford each other sanctuary, excuse each other their failings, their sweats and smells, their lies and subterfuges, above all their ineradicable self-obsession. This is what baffles us, how they wriggled out of our grasp and somehow became free to forgive each other for all they are not."

Hermes messenger of the gods commenting on what man has done with the gift of love from the novel "The Infinities" by John Bannville.

I'm having a bad hair day life.

I can't deny it anymore. My hairline has receded. I feel like I've had this amazing relationship my whole life that I've taken for granted and now I'm upset because it's leaving. All my aspirations in life; graduate college, get married and have a family, avert the genocide of large blue cat people, always carried with it the assumed footnote of "with my hair". DON'T GO! I CAN CHANGE!

10:54 AM

Donuts singlehandedly bring down the standard of breakfast foods. If donuts are acceptable for morning consumption than what isn't? I've used the donut argument to justify eating an assortment of cakes, cookies, and brownies and more recently dark chocolate smeared with almond butter for breakfast.

"Miss Alg from the library has third degree burns!"

From Summer Heights High. An Australian comedy series on HBO. I think I found the only copy in Utah County.

Don't Let Your Mom Be Your Agent

My acting career lasted exactly one commercial. I was about 7 or 8. It was for a place called Paper World. The sold costumes and party supplies. The commercial went like this; I was dressed like a pirate and with a girl who I think was dressed as a princess. We were standing motionless next to a score of costumed mannequins trying to blend in. A guy in a gorilla suit (or now that I think of it, possibly a gorilla dressed in a gorilla suit) approached us inquisitively. After examining us for a few moments he left the shot. A couple seconds later he jumps back into the shot in a startling manner. The princess and I quickly flee in fright. My Mom was my agent so all I got was a finger puppet. I can't prove anything of course but I'm pretty sure Johnny Depp saw this local commercial and drew on it heavily for his Jack Sparrow character.

"You Make Me Touch Your Hands For Stupid Reasons!"

The passion of young love and the failure of the education system;

http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/